I'm feeling super terrible now.

When people all around me are telling me about karma, I did not really take it seriously, and just brushed it off with a joke. Many says, 'What goes around, comes around". And how true would this be, it's for you to find out. Whether you believe in it or not, it's all up to you. Myself, I hate to admit it, but it may be true.

Perhaps I have treated many people badly in the past. Perhaps I bullied too many people in the past. Perhaps I used to take advantage of the things around me. Perhaps I was not serious with relationships/friendships in the past.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

I dislike myself, when I don't appreciate the things around me.

I used to have this friend, whom I was pretty close to in the past. We go out together, eat together, play together. We just enjoyed each other's company. When our friendship got into a deeper level, his messages to me were twice as much as usual. But, I was studying for my exams then. And with his messages coming every now and then, it was pretty difficult for me to concentrate. I then did what was best for me - I ignored his messages. But soon, his messages were coming once in every 15 mintues. I, irritated, scolded him over the text message to stop disturbing me. We got into an argument and, I just lost a friend like that. I did not treasure the close friendship we had in the past, I did not appreciate his care and concern over me and I even told him off. I did not even try to understand how he felt when all these happened, I only thought of myself. I regretted, but it is too late. I guess I left a memory, in both of our hearts.

From then on, I told myself to be appreciative of the finest things in life no matter how big or small. I told myself to not regret anything that I have done in my life. I want to make the best out of my life.

So here I am, having another close friendship. But, I guess the roles here are opposite, and I am the one being ignored, (but I don't spam messages). I shower much care and concern over this person, only to find out that I am like a replacement. A replacement to kill one's boredom, a replacement only when that person is lonely. To this person, I would always be the one who would be there no matter what circumstances. But in the end, my words of care and concern gets ignored, and there would never be a reply until boredom strikes again. I dislike being remembered only when one is free, and stuff like that. To think that we are quite close, it is a terrible feeling. This is totally not the other party's fault, it's mine. I just don't know that person well I guess. I just can't learn to understand. Perhaps I am asking too much out of this.

I guess karma really does happen.
Just when I am serious ...

With this, I really do not know how to go about treating this person. I'll feel bad if I ignore him, and at the same time, I really hate being ignored. I don't know what I should do right now. I feel like ending it, but yet again, I fear I'll regret.

SOOOO SHITTTYY!

But to all my friends out there, although I may be the one who always gets you all into trouble. Although I may always be the one who teases. But deep down, all of you should know that I care, and I really do.

I hope that there would be a guiding hand to guide me through.
;D

♥ 9:13 AM