And that's my feelings towards life. I'm sick and tired of it. I don't know what I'm here for, I don't know what I want to do with my life. There's just no motivation for me to move forward, no drive to push me through the whole process. I'm just going with the flow, living everyday as it is. And trust me, I am not enjoying it at all. The idea of life, is just so wrong, yet we are living in it. I can only blame humanity.

When we were young, we study. Now that we are older, we work. Have we ever questioned ourselves the purpose of studying and working? To gain knowledge to better prospects in the job industry so that we earn enough to retire happily and are able to do whatever we want to do? If that was your answer, then I guess it's a little too late. Seriously, bungee jumping at 65?!

And because of studying and working, if you did not realize, we are all living in a box. We sleep in box (bed), work in a box (cubicle), eat from a box (lunchbox), travel home in a box (bus/trains/cars), watch the box (television), sleep in the box again. And this cycle repeats itself every single day till we finally think out of the box. And trust me, many of us are trapped in this box for the rest of our lives.

Life is unfair. Stereotypes, generalization, discrimination. And it just disgusts me even more. Everyone are on equal footing, no one being is greater than another. Our existence in this world all came from the same entrance. And it didn't come with a choice.

Who allowed for discrimination? Looking down on others because of their race, religion, gender. Grouping every down syndrome as stupid. Branding every criminal as evil. We are not perfect ourselves that we are given the power to secern others. Not to mention that deep down, everyone has a good heart and is a nice person. And judging based on race and religion is just unacceptable.

The words in red is indeed true and reflective of most societies right? In the past, they set the trend that life must be as such. And most people blindly follow. They set the trend that one should live a life full of material wealth. But when you die, where do all your material wealth go to? They set the trend that this group of people are in a higher class than the rest. But do they have a choice? They were born in a certain way and in a certain manner. But that doesn't give one the opportunity to tease them and step on them.

I want to be able to live a life of freedom. To be able to do the things I want to do freely and not rule out any possibilities because of the constraints of the human mind to think in a certain way. I am sick and tired of living a life that people want me to live in, saying that it's all for a good future. I am sick and tired of not being able to do stuff that I want to do because of what society instills into many. I want to mould my own future.

I have too many regrets, listening to opinions of others and not thinking for myself. Making choices that is screwing my life upside down now. I keep asking myself, "What if I had chose a different path then?" .. And more "What if"s. It's all in the stereotyping of man.

Funny how each time I choose something that I want to do, I get criticism all over, and in the end follow what others want me to do. And if I screwed up, I get blamed for not doing it well. Of course, I won't do well in something that I don't want to do in the first place.

I want to have the freedom of choice. I want to have the freedom to do whatever I want to do. I want to have my choices opened. I want to do stuff that I believe it. I don't want to be forced to listen to others and follow whatever they do. I don't want to have to change myself to suit another being. I don't want to judge people the way that many others do. I don't want to drown in regrets.

And my life now is just the total opposite of the above few paragraphs mentioned. I just wished someone would understand how I feel, and where I am coming from. I am just so sick and tired of it all. And numb would be the word, because I don't have a choice.

My best friend asked me today ...

"What would the one line you would say to someone who is just about to commit suicide?"

I was stumped. Or at least it has never crossed my mind, to tell a complete stranger to not commit suicide. I did not know how to answer him.

When suicide is involved, or even the thought of suicide, it would mean that that certain individual is on the brink of breakdown. They feel that they are at their wits end and that there is just nothing in life to look forward to. They picture themselves in a very pessimistic way and feel that they are trapped in a box of shame, disappointment, trouble, pain, hurt ... There are definitely many more reasons as to why certain thoughts are instilled in them. And definitely society has plays a huge role in it.

I have witnessed an attempt of suicide before. A foreign worker sitting on the parapet because after working for his employer for a couple of years, his salary was not given to him but instead, an air ticket home was presented. Fuck the employer! And trust me, it is never a nice sight to see. The whole atmosphere of the environment and situation there just changes. I do not know about you, but seeing someone lose their life in front of me, together with all the blood and gore is ... Just disgusting. Nonetheless, it is still a life which is a gift to the individual's parents. Going to a funeral is bad enough, people who want to live just have their lives being taken away. And those who are living are not appreciative of their lives.

Going back to the question posed to me, I was really lost for words. If there's an individual who wants to die in front of me, would I even go and ask him to stop? Probably not. But if I would go up and stop him, I guess I would say, "Don't die, I'll share your burdens with you, trust me.". I bet the individual would think that I have gone mad, but at least I tried. Of course, actions speak louder than words.

My best friend then asked again ...

"What would the one line you would say to me if I was just about to commit suicide?"

Strangely enough, with just a blink of an eye and I knew the answer. I told him, "You die, I die.". It may sound absurd but it is about touching the most vulnerable side of the person, and about the things that matters most to him that makes him want to live.

;D

Dr. Laurence J. Peter once said, "There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.".

I was browsing through the internet when I came across the quote above and find it a very apt description of the majority of people in our world today. As much as we try to deny it, it is a fact that most of us are guilty of, including myself, especially in today's competitive society. Perhaps it is an inborn character that we care for ourselves more than others, to the extent that we overlook many other aspects of life. I feel that this 'virtue' is especially true in my life currently.

Have there ever been a point in your life, where you were the weakest link? Or felt that you were the weakest link? And you try as hard as possible to avoid all situations that made you feel THAT lousy ... And made you feel that you are a burden to the rest of the people because they have to keep giving in to you, just to make up for your shortcomings? And no matter how much effort you put in, you just can't be as good as them and so you give up? I know I have.

Many said that you should get back up, and put in twice their effort and be as good as them, and to prove them wrong. And that the lousier you are, the more you should get back up. I mean, talk is cheap, talk is easy. When the odds are against you, and that you do not have the resources and support you need, it's really tough.

The good are able to scream and shout words that could spur you on and make you do better, and probably spend a little time with you when you are a rookie. But other than that, nothing else. And after a while, a social segregation is formed from the weaklings and the pros. Truth being that these pros would only want to spend time with the pros, to better themselves as they feel that you are pulling them down from them improving. And that it is a waste of their time to keep coaching you to get your basics right. Truth being that these people are selfish, and only think of themselves as a class above the rest. Not knowing that they were once rookies too, and that others had to spend time with them for them to become pro. And so, they turn cocky.

No one in the right mind would ever stoop down to your level, to get to know and understand how you feel. They just loathe you for avoiding and coming up with excuses all the time. No one would ever put themselves in your shoes, to spend time helping you to merge in with the rest of the group. No one ... Not even the person in highest authority. And they do what every human do - THEY BITCH ABOUT YOU.

Thinking about the past, I kinda miss the times where "Your team is only as strong as your weakest link." is being instilled into me. It was a point where everyone tried to help each other, and push each other so that we are far above the rest. No selfishness, no nothing of that sort. Probably the definition of being a team now is - Me, the good ones, and the rest.

Selfishness ... Had taught me to admire Mother Teresa more than ever.

I'll be like her ... One day.

;D

HI HI HI HI HI!

I look really retarded in that picture. I don't know how my mum took the picture ... Like I've got a mega-huge head with a small body. Nope, I'm opposite actually. HAHAHA. That picture was to make it up for the weeks of not blogging. Anyways, I hope my overdue presence have not chased all my readers away from my blog! HAHAHAH. Hardly anyone reads my nonsense anyway. Probably except ... MYSELF! ;P

Changing topic, does it irk you to see someone in public having their hair all wet and walking around? At least not dripping wet, but still wet ... And the back of their shirts would have patches of darker shades because of their wet hair. I do not know about you, but the increasing number of these people on the streets is starting to annoy me, not that it has anything to do with me in any way. Just that I'm not one of them.

Yes, I know that it is awesome to wake up in the morning and have a shower to brighten up the entire day, and to allow yourself to smell nice when you are near others. But is there a need for you to pronounce to the entire world that ... "HEY! I'VE JUST TAKEN MY SHOWER! AND I SMELL GOOD. MY PITS ARE NOT SWEATY SMELLY, THEY SMELL LIKE MY BATH GEL!". I don't think there's a need to do so. I don't know what is going through the person's mind when they just leave their house with their hair wet, prepared to go to work or somewhere else. I mean, if you bother to keep yourself clean and smelling good, why don't you even bother to make yourself look presentable instead of your wet head!

Just imagine going for an interview with that kinda hair, what would your first impression be? If it were me, I'll immediately strike you off the list for being lazy, and not appearance conscious ... It's just disgusting man. I don't need to know that you've just done your private stuff in the bathroom. And the worst of it all, is when you turn your head and your wet hair starts smacking people in the face. It's like a wet slap.

I mean, if you just came back from the beach or pool or something, it's understandable. But to work, or going out with friends? Totally a turn off man. Please bother to dry your hair!

Abrupt ending. Enough of my rants. HAHAHAH.

Enjoy your weekends!

;D

GRRAAHHHH! Just kidding! ;D

I'm never gonna go to a toilet with auto-flushes again ....

Maybe ... Unless if I really have no choice!

;D

A quick update!

The best thing about this new year was that ...

I GOT MY 8 YEAR OLD NIECE TO SING 愛!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT THEY PLAYED THAT MANY EPISODES FOR HER TO EVEN REMEMBER THE FAMOUS 'WA MENG TI' SONG! And my aunt just told me that it'll last all the way till June! Save me please! I'm really sick and tired of that drama. A scene in the living room with just 2 people talking can last for 15 minutes! Hence, part of the reason why I hardly watch television programmes.

I need more entertainment!

Would you entertain me?

;D

Looking at my previous blog posts, I would say that 2010 has been a pretty smooth-sailing journey for me and I have accomplished many of the things that I have set out to do. It was a year filled with golden opportunities and doors for me to open for both experience and exposure - Leading my own camp of people, participating in YOG, gotten my driving license, work-shadowing, telemarketing ... To fixing drawers and keyboards etc. And I know I say this almost every other year - It was a year filled with lessons.

Having seen the world around me revolve and evolve, I grew to become more judgmental and impatient of the actions and attitudes of others. It is just thoughts that runs through your head when someone does this this this or says that that that. And the problem with these thoughts is that they are not neutral, they are either extremely positive or otherwise. But no matter what, you keep mum about whatever's going on in your mind. You quietly pick up the good points, and silently learn from the bad to become better. At least for me, I guess wisdom and maturity grows with age. I am not saying that I am the perfect person, but at least I am trying.

2010, as I was saying, was a year filled with lessons. There are just so many to know, but only 3 which I felt the deep connection towards.

I am disappointed to say that many people, including me, are lacking in this aspect of life.

In life, we do our best to impress as recognition is something that differentiates the extraordinary from the ordinary. And we blabber and blabber on about our best, not knowing that our best is never really 'The Best'. Be it from grades, to attitude, to work or even in terms of fitness. Because we pretend to not know that out there, there is definitely someone better.

As I grow to see more, I realize that the mediocre ones are the loudspeakers, or empty vessels as many would call. They brag about everything, not realizing that you know that they are not even up to the mark. Many dress in branded clothes, only to know that they are barely able to make ends meet. Many only talk about their strengths, only to realize that their reputation is being destroyed by the larger number of weaknesses. Many think that they are able to remain cream of the crop without improving, only to find out someone who has far exceeded them. Many set their standard to others high above the rest, only to see that many disappointments. For these people, I am truly sorry.

I do not really know how many of us fall into this category, but I agree that I am one of them who lacks in it, but improving.

When tasks and duties are passed on to me, I do my best to meet the requirements and deadlines. But when I am unable to do so, the least I would do is to notify whoever is in-charge about my plight and seek for assistance, or to just allow the other party to acknowledge. That's only responsibility. But how many of us do so?

And when the blame comes, which of us would be the first to point our index finger at others, not reflecting on ourselves and not knowing that there are 3 other fingers point back at us. Humans are just interesting creatures.

To be able to gain the trust of others, one must trust themselves. I trust myself to keeping secrets, I trust myself to speak at the right time, I trust myself to make the correct judgements. And it is only pure bitchy-ness and brainless-ness of a person, to endanger one's trust in them just for self-satisfaction.

These are just simple yet difficult lessons to grasp. I guess when we managed to master the above 3, it is then that we seek enlightenment.

I hope 2011 would be an awefantasuperfect year!

;D